TIME - The “Sacred Oil” of Parenting

This morning as I was driving into the office I was on the phone talking to my wife about our son Jason.  I am out of town on business so she was filling me in on the activities at home that I missed.  Last night, coming home from a soccer game, Jason made a passing comment that he was questioning if he was cut out for college.  As a Junior in high school we have started quizzing Jason about what sort of interests and preferences he has about degrees and schools.  As with most boys, Jason doesn’t typically open up and share what he’s really thinking, at least not with his parents.  So whenever we get an insight into something that he’s obviously wrestling with internally, that’s gold.  I made the comment to my wife that I wished Jason would invite me into the questions and issues he wrestles with more easily.  To which my wife commented, “Well, part of the problem is that you’re just not here that much”.  Ouch…didn’t see that one coming.  I quickly protested, but what am I missing? I come to his games, shoot hoops with him on the weekends, watch movies with him. When I am out of town it’s during the week when he’s at school or soccer practice anyway.  She said, “It’s just spending time with him.  It’s the little things, driving him to school in the morning even if he doesn’t say three words.  Honey, you just can’t measure the impact it has when you just spend time with your son.”

 

I guess it’s like the oil in a car’s engine (see, guys have to relate everything to either cars or sports), The oil doesn’t make the care look any better.  It’s certainly not the most expensive component, but without it, the car just doesn’t run right and will quickly break down.  Spending time with your kids is like that.  It’s not flashy.  They won’t talk about it or praise you for doing it, at least not until they are grown.  You don’t usually see any immediate fruit or results from spending time with your kids.  But fail to do it and watch how quickly the lines of communication and relationship break down.  In raising kids, few things have more enduring and  endearing impact and influence on our children than our commitment to spending TIME with them, lots of it!

Stand Up! and Say "No" to Spineless Parenting

An article in the December issue of Advertising Age magazine, outlined a brewing controversy over McDonald's paying for the printing of Seminole County Florida's report cards in exchange for the report cards featuring a coupon for a free Happy Meal to any child who has all A's and B's and no more than two absences. As you might expect, some parents are up in arms over this saying that this makes them the "bad guy" if they refuse their child when they gleefully bring home a good report card and now expect to be treated to a Happy Meal.

I certainly understand their concern given the health crisis of so many children eating poorly, being overweight and undernourished. I also think the whole idea is pretty clever marketing on McDonald's part. Whether you are for or against McDonald's advertising on public school report cards is not the point I want to address. What this article points out is that parents aren't stepping up to the plate in terms of directing their kid's choices and having the backbone to explain their perspective. I mean, if I don't want my kids to eat a Happy Meal, it's not the end of the world to have to tell them that. They'll survive. Why not use the issue as an opportunity to explain the importance of good nutrition, about taking care of our bodies and any other number of talking/training points. Of course I would also say that if you feed your children a healthy diet at home, they will survive an occasional Happy Meal as well.

Bottom line, children need to grow up into adults who stand for something, who have convictions and who are willing to live by those convictions and say "no" to things (whether it's fatty foods, sex before marriage, cheating...) that don't line up with those convictions. How will they learn to do that unless it was modeled for them at home? So moms and dads, have some backbone...stand your ground for the things that you believe in. Our culture is going to constantly throw opportunities and options at you and your family that you don't like or accept. It's vital that you train your children by example to be able to stand up for something.