Being "Present"

There’s a lot of great things about technology…I mean I’m not sure how guys survived before television sets came with a remote control (aka: a clicker). My wife says the most stupid question she ever gets asked at our house is “Where’s the clicker?” “Like I would ever get my hands on that thing living in a house with four testosterone-laden creatures?” she says. And don’t get me started on how cool is the DVR. I’m sure my sons wonder how they managed life before text messaging, Skype and IM-ing. Of course dear old dad is still back in the dark ages sending e-mails all day long. But with all the hype about how the millennial generation can multi-task, you know do homework while playing Xbox 360 while texting friends, there’s a problem. Nobody is really paying attention to each other. We are all tuning in to conversations at some partial level…just enough to get by. It’s like reading the Spark notes to a great novel rather than enjoying the real thing. We are losing the art of “being present”. You know, really tuning in to each other. Listening not just to the words spoken but reading the body language and hearing beyond the words. Having that level of discernment that goes deeper than face value. I think it’s hurting our families. I’m guilty of it. I think I’m listening but then can’t recall five minutes later what was said. Truth be told, I looked like I was listening, but I was really thinking ahead to what I needed to do or say next. I’m not being present with my kids. They know it too. I certainly can tell when they are tuning me out. It’s a bad habit and grown ups and kids are all doing it. What can we do about it? I mean, technology seems to be pushing to live faster, handle more distractions and get more done. But in the end, we are still relationship creatures. We were made to love and to feel deeply. We are designed to respond to one another, be sensitive to one another and to spend time with one another.

So my suggestion is to make the tomorrow to spend just 15 minutes with each child, not thinking about work or chores or dinner but totally focusing on your child. Maybe you’re talking. Maybe you’re doing a puzzle or shooting hoops. But do it together. And do only one thing at a time, not three. Whatever you do together make sure it doesn’t involve something electronic…which rules out movies, television and computer games. Do something where you have to look into your child’s face and give them an occasional squeeze. Be present with them.