Selfish Parenting

I’m reading a wonderful book that was recently recommended to me called “The Shack” by William Young.  It’s a novel about a typical 50-ish man who had a pretty dysfunctional childhood yet managed to come through adulthood in reasonably good shape, married well, had kids.  Then an unthinkable tragedy strikes that sends him into a tailspin.  He winds up having a life-changing encounter with God that’s well, unique.  Anyway, I won’t give up the plot.  But one of many truths I see in this story is how each of us is wounded.  We are damaged goods and our pain causes us to see life and respond to life in certain, unhealthy ways.  The sad fact is that unless we are exceptionally diligent, we bring our pain and dysfunction into our parenting style.  We parent our kids through our pain and as a result, often leave them scarred and hurting as well. 

 

Most of us would never intentionally hurt our kids.  But unfortunately, in our desire to hold on to our hurts, in our fear of pushing past the pain of old scars into wholeness, we selfishly thrust on our kids all sorts of unhealthy and unholy attributes and perspectives.  Seriously, we have to be willing to unselfishly lay down our hurts, get the prayer, the counseling the comfort and help we need, if not to live better ourselves but to be more effective parents.  I’ll never forget that many years ago when Amy and I announced on Christmas morning that we were going to be parents for the first time, my dad, who up until that time had been a chain smoker, responded by saying that by the time his first grandchild was born, he would have given up smoking.  In other words, the unhealthy habit that he was unwilling to give up for himself, he would willingly choose to lay down for his grandchild.  He wanted to be there for him.  That was unselfish parenting, or in this case, grand parenting.  So what are the weights that tend to hold you back?  Why not make the choice to move past your pain if not for yourself, then for your children.