Teaching Your Kids to Fail Forward

Everyone fails. Everyone falls off the proverbial horse at one time or another. What makes the difference between having your failures be a positive experience and a negative one has everything to do with how we fail. And how you fail has everything to do with your attitude about failure. If you see failure as a sign of weakness, of inadequacy or incompetence and not measuring up, you will be embarrassed by failure. You’ll resent it and do anything possible to cover it up and avoid admitting to it. On the other hand, if you see failure as a gift, then you are more likely to benefit from your failure. You will fail forward. Failing forward can be a wonderful aspect of our lives. Experiencing failure refines us, teaches us character, helps us gain wisdom and knowledge, increases our endurance and resilience, makes us stronger.

How do we teach these principles to our kids? Good question. I was playing B-ball with my sons over the Memorial Day weekend. I noticed that when Jason made a bad pass or threw up a wild shot, the first thing out of his mouth was to blame his teammate for not being where he was supposed to be to receive the pass or “Why didn’t you grab the rebound”. Hmmm. Not good. Something inside Jason struggles with handling failure. It’s an area I recognize where I need to encourage him and work with him. I don’t have it figured out how best to address this. (I’m open to your suggestions). I’m pretty sure giving him a lecture on how to “fail forward” won’t cut it. I know I need to start by examining my own life. Is Jason picking up something he sees me do? I don’t think so but shame on me if I don’t check to see if there are any logs in my own eyes before I hunt for specks in his. I suspect a better approach to giving him what he calls a “Sunday school lesson” will be to ask questions, see if I can’t find out the attitudes and fears that may fuel how he handles failure. I know the more self-confidence a person has, the more that person knows they are totally and completely loved and accepted by God (and by their parents) the easier it is to embrace failure for the good it can bring. Well, I don’t have all the answers on this one but I recognize the problem and I’m committed to getting involved and not just saying “Oh well, not my problem”. How do you handle failure? More importantly how have you been able to teach your children about the gift of failing forward. I’m happy to learn from you.